Tuesday, November 16, 2010

you wanted me to write a blog for/about you, here it is....

"you don't throw a whole life away because it's banged up a little."
everyone deserves a second chance. -JB

They say everyone deserves a second chance, I think I have used mine up long ago... yet people still keep granting me them. I know personally all I have hurt over the many years, and words cant express how sorry I really am... You see/well I am not sure what it is, but I have this nact to know how to emotionally hit someone, a charge that is sent through their body like a beam of lightening striking down on them.
People tell me I am capable of being this awesome person, yet I wont allow myself this sort of gratitude.

It's taken me a while to see my own self destruction, but along the way I have seen the damage I have really done, it has all come back to me regardless if that isn't my intention. Karma's a bitch right?! I have won many battles, and wars, but tragedy has swept those times- I have lost everyone/everything close to me, and it's taken me this long to smarten up and say "what the hell am I doing?!"

To those who have been there and left, those who I  have yet to meet, and those who have stuck by long enough to tell me what an idiot I am... Thank you-  I wont let who ever else is out there down, just have some faith!
sometimes all someone needs is a second chance..... here goes nothing!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I remember...

Today I should be remembering the soldiers, and the people who faught for our country; am I ever so selfish to be thinking of  "you" today instead?
At 11:11am/pm, just as everyday passes this time, I wish; I wish for you, I wish for us, I wish for myself. I wish you were still here with me.
See I want to remember the good times we had, but all the lingers in my mind is what are you doing? Do you think of me, what happend to all the things I made you/or you had in your room? Did the garbage consume them, a well lit flame or a drawer with an endless mouth? It is a gut renching pain I wish upon no one to feel.

A friend of mine told me that a few years past her boyfriend sadly died in a car accident, she was laughing about it, its been two years... tomorrow it will be 4 months since you left me. Difference is you chose to leave me, her's didnt. She had closure, I never will...and so we'll never really understand each others pain... The thought of you still lingers in my mind, just as the poppys do in the fields. People remember this day, as I remember all my days with you. All I wish for is to be someones memory. To be thought of, to be worried about, to be cared about, the longing to be someones loved one. But every year on this day we remember them, not us, not yourselves, but "them". And a tiny part of my will always think of you today...